Just Like on TV

Sad news for Kristin Cavallari, her fiance/quarterback for the Bears, just backed out of wedding plans. They were only engaged for 2 months and had just had an engagement party last week. Sadly, she also just bought her expensive designer dress. I feel bad for her. Warren also informed me that he had a questionable injury and quit on a playoff game. So he is now notorious for quitting when things get scary or tough, at least notorious to me. If only she were still on reality tv so we could hear and see her dealing with this news. Finally the push I needed to get back to blogging. At least some good has come out of this.

My All-time favorite television shows

In an effort to keep things light I will follow rant posts with happier/less serious posts. A while ago I wrote about Castle, one of my new favorite shows. It got me thinking about which shows would be on my all time favorite list. Here it is in no particular order:

Weeds

Castle

Ghost Whisperer

Seinfeld

Arrested Development

30 Rock

Honorable Mention Category :
Glee, Parenthood, Parks & Rec, The Hills (I didn't forget where I came from), Veronica Mars

The Hills/ Laguna Beach News

Kristin Cavallari is getting married to Jay Cutler, the Chicago Bears Quarterback. Why didn't anyone tell me? I really enjoyed reading about it because after his name they wrote "quarterback" and after her name they wrote "actor?" Sadly that doesn't change the fact that she is famous. I have seen some pictures of them and I don't want to sound shallow (but I will) it seems like she might be getting less good looking by association. I mean despite my feelings about her I think she is generally pretty cute.

Keeping a Low Profile

I was typing in a label for a recent post and one of the little autofill ideas the computer gave me was Bromance. That got me a little nostalgic for the days where I could watch MTV whenever I wanted and think about Brody Jenner and the lucky man who would be his new best friend. It got me wondering/missing him. What is he up to now?
The answer is a little disappointing. My investigative journalism skills uncovered him keeping a mostly low profile. It looks like he is surfing and hanging around with his lady friend Avril Lavigne. Not that exciting. Oh well, at least Audrina and her fam are going to have a new reality show. I have never been more thankful for the lack of cable.

THE FINALE- I can't believe this is really goodbye.

Today, my friends, is a sad day for the world. The Hills will not continue. This is it.
Here is what has been happening over the last few episodes. Kristin Cavalari is now the central figure in the Hills cast. This entire season has made me long for the days of LC. (whose literary masterpiece I will be reading poolside next week on my Hawaiian vacation). Lo has been more involved, she and Stacy the Bartender (who may no longer be a bartender) move the plot along by asking questions of the more interesting characters at lunches and in bars. They help the viewers to understand the inner feelings and motivations of characters. (I realize I am giving them a lot of credit here. I don't need to hear them say it, they are motivated by fame and immediate gratification, but it is still helpful.) Lo has been dating a boy, Scott, who asks her to move in with him. Stephanie Pratt seems quite rational and responsible (this is not a sarcastic statement), since her DUI, she no longer drinks and is mourning the loss of communication with her crazy brother and sister-in-law. She is looking to find a guy who is okay with the fact that she isn't going to drink and party. Hard to find in LA? Spencer and Heidi have been sporadically on the show. Spencer is totally nuts and loves him some crystals. His spiritual advisor, or the like, has told him the crystals will help him to stay calm, but he has been having some serious rage issues. Heidi has totally cut off her family and looks no longer human.
Audrina has been dating Ryan Cabrera, a musical star (okay he is a musician) but Justin Bobby is still around. JB had a briefly dated Kristin but that didn't work out. She went back to being friends with benefits with Brody. Brody continues to be a source of entertainment and fun on the show. He has a lot of fun dudes (Sleazy T, Frankie, and Charlie) for the girls to hang with and a parade of girlfriends for Kristin to be jealous with and yell at (head shaking back and forth and pointing). The trips this year included a boat outing for Audrina's birthday, a trip to Vegas, and a Costa Rica trip.
Up to Finale there is a red carpet and the most annoying VJ ever. She makes everyone feel really awkward, especially me. The real questions I have as this show begins is about the appearance of Heidi and Spencer will I get one last glimpse of them? They aren't at the red carpet. I guess I will have to buy a tabloid magazine.

On the Finale:
We need to understand that the girls are growing up and moving on. The show begins with a discussion about the mid-twenties life crisis. Lo wants to get married and make babies. Stephanie is really happy. Audrina wants to find herself without a man and Kristin is heartbroken. What can she do to make a change and grow?
Go to Europe of course. (I am quite perplexed by this solution.) She has a really awkward conversation to invite Brody to her going away party. Brody refuses to go and support her going away but shows up in the end. They have a sad tearful goodbye but seem to end on a high note. He also comes again to send her off to the airport. He feels responsible for sending her away. Stephanie is in love with a motocross racer named Josh and they seem really cute together. They make a cute couple and even have a DTR (define the relationship). Lo's boyfriend essentially proposes to her but without the ring. And Audrina moves out of Hollywood and to the beach.
The final thirty seconds is a montage of the girls with pictures of them today and in the past. Then back to Brody staring at the car as Kristin drives away. Then the scenery behind is pushed away to reveal a TV set in the background. What does it all mean? Was it all a lie? Wow! Thanks for blowing my mind MTV.

The best part of the whole evening was the return of the aftershow ( I love those Canadians. What will happen to them? What kind of a job will they get next. Will they get deported back to Canada? I don't hear anyone talking about closing that border or building a fence.)
Other highlights included Justin Bobby and Audrina together one last time, Jessie (Canadian hostess) in a very strange green cutaway dress, and Holly and Stephanie sharing information about Spencer and Heidi. There was also a sad video montage of her before Spencer. Neither sister knew whether or not the rumors about Heidi and Spencer divorcing are true. I totally forgot how they disappeared from the show. Remember how Heidi accused the producer of sexually harassing her. Some snooping around on the TMZ website told me that perhaps they are divorcing/legally separating and that Heidi might have a reality show in the works with Jen Bunney. Kristin and Brody together one more time talking about how happy they are about the ending. And then finally LC. She was proud of her experience on the Hills and all that she learned. I also learned that she has published 4 books, who knew. She is adorable and lovely as ever. The after show wrapped it up with one last montage and a picture in picture of the cast and crew giving hugs ( I really liked this.)

I am now going to indulge in some reminiscing of my own. How strange to think that I have been watching this show for the last 6 seasons (four years). That is quite a commitment on my part. However, I am glad that it is coming to a close now as I am closing in on my thirties. It is probably time for me to stop watching MTV and who knows if I will even have it when I move.

Here is a special treat for sticking with this long post. From NY Magazine: Where will they be in 50 years! What genius came up with this idea?

I'll always be that guy towards you (Is this some kind of a threat? You never can tell with Justin Bobby.)

The Hills



I might have missed an episode but trust me all you missed was Brody's birthday. Jayde pissed at Brody as usual. Kristin waiting for Justin Bobby and missing him but vowing not putting up with him. Oh, and Audrina is trying to get back at Justin by dating his friend. Take that.

Poor Lo she has to be friends with Kristin so that the viewers can understand what has gone on. What an unfortunate life she has.

Kristin goes back to Laguna to tell her dad and step mom about her life. Dad's review of Brody is that he is self-obsessed. How could someone that is has been on four reality tv shows be a narcissist?

At a Bolthouse promotion (wait they still employ Heidi?) Holly, Charlie, Heidi, Stephanie, and Spencer (sporting his faux cowboy gear) attend. Holly is hammered and drunkenly dancing and analyzing art (to Brent Bolthouse, he looks less than amused). Her dancing is radical.

She was out of control and Stephanie is really concerned. Every time they go out someone asks them to leave.

Justin Bobby, who has apparently been out of town, makes a meal to apologize to Kristin. They spend a lot of time talking about how much they don't want to be in relationships with each other and then head off camera to hook up.

Audrina continues to ruin dates by talking about Justin Bobby. Relationship advice:It makes it clear that you are not over someone when you talk about them and then lamely lie that you are over them.



Holly is lured to an intervention by Heidi and Spencer. She immediately orders a marg with Petron. Spencer is very reasonable, he suggests that she should not have a dance off in front of people she may want to network with. (My husband suggested that she actually lost the dance off...with herself. It was pretty bad dancing.)

Brody and Kristin have a little heart to heart about her feelings for Justin while Justin goes to meet Audrina for a drink at a secluded bar. She just wants to make sure that things are not weird between them. Justin seems to be kind sad. He is mad that Audrina has been dating his friend but doesn't get why she is acting this way trying to hurt him. He would never be able to say that "anything is better than Audrina Patridge, ever in my life." What is going on?

The City


Also missed an episode of the City. Joe was impressed with Olivia but Erin still hates her. Whitney does the opposite of what Kelly Cutrone says and gets bitched at. Her first mistake was to listen to Roxy her second mistake was to take sketches and a dream to Bergdorfs. Did she damage her career as a designer?

On to this weeks episode.

Sammy invites Whitney (and not Roxy) to a party with lifeguards. Will Whitney find a new love interest? She meets 21 year old dudes who look like real nerds. Tomorrow Whitney will be attending a bbq at her exes. (What was his name? Oh yeah Jay.) She was invited by Adam and Alex (remember them). He won't be there but she is going to bring one of the surfers. The surfer brings her brother, Freddie Frackelmayer. He is a fox. (Pardon the illiteration.) He totally looks like a wealthy dude from Connecticut and is in commercial real estate. I like him. Whitney is attracted to him but is concerned there is something going on between him and Sammy. Roxy advises her to date him anyway, although she gives terrible advice, I would go on a date with Foxxie Freddie Frackelmayer, too.



Roxy is on a date and complaining about how no one invites her. She also volunteers to stay late at work so Whitney can go out and have fun. I think she is angling to take over Whitney's job.

Erin has to chaperone Olivia at an Elle party and hates it. She meets the hostess and is a hit. She knows everyone. Erin is clearly annoyed by her popularity and leaves early. She seems to be in a foul mood when she leaves. She and Olivia then have a terribly uncomfortable cubicle conversation. Erin wants her not to have some respect for her. She has been doing this for four years and just because Olivia knows some designers she hasn't earned it. (Where are the exclusives?)

I think you are the only person I haven't gotten in a fight with, who I first met

Stacie the bartender and Kristin are besties because they are both bitches (their words not mine) and the producers told them to be. (Dee and I are friends because we both know what it is like to have people be jealous of us.)

Kristin tries to meet up with Audrina to talk face to face and be friends, bury the hatchet so to speak. Audrina blows her off and Lo has a nice little lunch to keep the viewers informed about what Kristin is thinking. She is going to go after Justin Bobby.

Audrina thinks that Justin is trying to hang out with Kristin too piss her off. I honestly don't think it has anything to do with her. Audrina is self obsessed and believes in the girl code. Could she be getting dumber? You should hear her talk to this band. I really like your music, I can relate you know relationships and stuff. Uggghh. (Did I mention that I don't like anyone on this show anymore.)

Just when you thought that you couldn't hate Spencer more...enter Enzo. He is an adorable little six year old who lives with their neighbors. The kid loves Spencer and wants to be friends. Heidi thinks that having a kid will make Spencer grow up. (Spencer suggests a cat or a dog, probably a good place to start.) Spencer thinks Heidi is acting crazy, baby crazy. Spencer comes home one day to find Enzo playing his Wii tennis game and eating his cookies. Spencer turns it off mid game and bounces him. He tells him to say goodbye to Heidi forever.

Justin Bobby and Kristin are hooking up at club. He looks totally different. He has shaved, gotten a haircut and put on some suspenders. Audrina is devastated, again. I am beginning to see a pattern. They might actually like each other. They ride on the motorcycle together. Hey, that used to be Audrina's seat!

It's on

The Hills and The City returned last week with little to no fanfare. Maybe it is because I am such a busy person that I haven't had much time to watch MTV but I really think that it has something to do with the fact that things are looking less than interesting. They have added some new characters to try and spice things up but truthfully things aren't looking so good.

THE HILLS



Is it just me or do you hate Kristin Cavallari, too. There is something about a girl with a raspy voice like that makes me think she is trashy. Maybe I am still bitter about LC being gone. The Hills begins with a little reminiscing. Remember how Brody and LC met? Well, Kristin slapped LC on the street in front of a bar (this is also the plot of an episode of Cops isn't it.) Heidi and Spencer throw themselves a welcome home party. Moments into the party Stephanie and Audrina are in a screaming match with Kristin complete with threats of physical violence and cursing. Here is the shocker. They are fighting over Justin Bobby. It seems inexplicable. Justin Bobby is looking a little bit huskier and even dirtier, if that could be possible. He looks like Joaquin Phoenix in his crazy I am not an actor anymore phase. Speaking of strange looks...



Spencer is dressed like a cowboy (I am using the term loosely here. I have been around cowboys and they don't really dress like that. In fact they would probably laugh at him. ) He and Heidi are house hunting. She wants a homey little place with a picket fence and a room to turn into a nursery. Spencer finds a real modern "porno pad" and puts the deposit down on it. Oops he forgot to tell Heidi. Sweet marriage.

Kristin and Bobby go on a date and seem to have genuine chemistry. They are talking about signs. She is a Capricorn. Did this really happen? Did I time travel? When was it cool to talk about people's signs? Anyway they seem like they are going to hook it up and Audrina is devastated.

Memorable quotes:
"We're married. We're not crazy tequila party people." - Heidi (did she forget the first time she got married to Spencer she was drunk from shots of tequilas.

"As a friend, it's girl code." -Audrina (did she forget that she tried to steal Brody from Jayde. Not girl code.)

"Did that go in?" -Kristin is watching a Laker's game and is unsure if the shot went in. How do you not know if the shot went in when you are watching the game.




THE CITY



Just when I thought Olivia was my most hated The City character enter the two new characters. What happened to the daughter of ACDC? At least Erin was likeable, if not exciting at all. Enter Roxy, she is a "friend" of Whitney's from highschool (she looks about 10 years older, too much makeup? too much hard living? you be the judge.) and a fashion girl from LA. She has an interview with Kelly Cutrone set up by Whitney and unbelievably seems ruder/meaner than Kelly. It hardly seems possible. She tells Kelly that she doesn't like bs or girls. Two things I like about her; 1) She wears all black. My favorite outfit color scheme. 2) She used to work for Rachel Zoe...I love her. "I die.") She doesn't even say she really likes Whitney and is shocked by her sudden love of fashion. Of course that will not stop her from later asking Whitney to let her crash on her couch. She and Kelly also have a talk about her sign. She is clearly going to be another anti-Whitney. Also she has a voice like you would expect someone who is named Roxy would.

Whitney is a sucker as usual. She is unable to say no to Roxy's crash on my couch request and then has to talk to the cops when Roxy throws a loud party at her new place that she "didn't send out a mass text to invite people to." She is also trying to start her line and working part time for Kelly Cutrone. No more DVF.

Olivia is up to her same ridiculousness. She is offered a job by Joe Zee(remember she duped him last season into believing she pulled the look that Whitney did) at Elle as an accessories editor. Showing himself as a terrible judge of character and personal interactions he then introduces her to her new boss. He thinks that they will like each other. He is very wrong. This new boss has a very angular face.



Erin Kaplan is not a fan of Olivia and asks her to help pull some affordable summer looks for the Today show. She does a poor job and when Erin calls her on it she yells at her. "If you have a problem you can go back and do it yourself." The big boss at Elle is really unimpressed.

Look forward to two seasons of yelling and fighting on both the Hills and the City. I don't really like it. I don't even know who to root for anymore.

It's kind of nice not knowing what I'm gonna do next

Heidi begins by daydreaming about her wedding. Real swans, a cake with white cake, white chocolate, mouse, and truffles. You only get your perfect wedding once (and two crappy fake weddings before that).

Things to do before the wedding:
Choose a maid of honor-Holly wins. Stephanie thought that she was going to be the maid of honor. Did she really think that was happening?

Get Mom's blessing-Spencer is begging for forgiveness from Darlene and she chokes out a hesitant blessing.

Dinner to talk LC into coming to the wedding- Brody and Lauren have their last dinner. They exchange stupid talk about their little ears. Brody also thinks that this is a mistake but knows that she will regret it if she doesn't go. He also has a plan to make a fart noise as Heidi walks by him down the aisle.

Bridal shower-Audrina, the most polite of all, points out that someone should be writing down the gifts and who gave them so that Heidi can write thank you notes. Holly might have noticed if she didn't show up late and immediately begin swilling champagne.

Get tuxes-Spencer would like a tux to make him look like the "white Jay-Z."

Ask the minister to leave out the "does anyone have a reason why these two should not be married"- Good thinking Spencer.

Rehearsal Dinner-Holly is trashed and throws a potato across the table ruining Heidi's $10,000 dollar purse. She is then told by Spencer that 25 year old people do not throw food at dinner and to prove how mature she is she throws a fit. Sobbing she heads for home.

Say goodbye to the old gang at the old house- Trip down memory lane, Lo and LC have their last bbq and Stephanie and Brody make up. They hug it out. Stephanie asks again if LC will come to the wedding she is still leaning towards no. "I'll be at her next one." Love it!

Get a Manicure- Holly apologizes for causing an scene and stealing the show from Heidi. Heidi decides not to un-maid of honor her. Bummer. I think Stephanie would have loved to step in.

Worry and Pray about an appropriate church kiss-This hadn't occurred to Spencer until right before the ceremony but he is truly worried about it and truly they did pray.

Finally the time has come for the wedding. Special guests include; Justin Bobby, looking a little bit like a transient, Stacie the Bartender, who came with Charlie, and last but certainly not least Kristin Cavallari. Will Lauren come? Of course, how else will they do the changing of the guard. LC and Heidi have a nice little conversation about how happy Lauren wants her to be and how Heidi is not wearing too much jewelry (she is trying to be nice). The actual ceremony is fine. I am a person who loves weddings. I watch any wedding I can on tv and usually I get choked up. Not this one. I didn't feel a thing. I wonder why? My actual favorite part was when Lo leans over to Lauren and says "Third times a charm, right?"

This episode ends with Kristin Cavallari asking to be set up with single guys and talking about what a good guy JB is (Audrina looks mad) and her catching the bouquet. Simultaneously LC is leaving through a side door and getting into her town car. Goodbye LC. You will be missed.

This picture seems suspicious to me. Audrina, Kristin Cavallari, Stacie, and Lo. Is Stacie going to be a player next season? I really wanted to see the reception. I want to see all the hooking up and craziness and I never got to see any swans. I think my questions could be answered by this show called Speidi:the Wedding Unveiled, unfortunately the awesomeness of this Hills season finale overwhelmed and killed our satellite dish.

MTV Shows

Goodbye LC I will miss you!

You are the person who matters to me most if you are there (subtext: you are more important than even the groom)

Remember the first time that Heidi thought she was going to get married and she looked normal? Well I do and this is different. This was the first dress she chose too bad she didn't change her mind about the guy.

Heidi and Spencer are running around town making amends and wedding plans. I hate the term princess wedding but I like the dress from Monique Lhuillier.

One more episode and LC is officially gone. She is palling around with Stephanie and it is only slightly awkward. Stephanie is trying to force her to come to the wedding, Heidi shows up at Peoples Rev. and Spencer even calls to apologize. LC and the girls go out to lunch and get all nostalgic. Lauren points out they all hated each other at one time or another because of Spencer. It seems she will not be attending the wedding.

Spencer finally decides to talk to LC because Charlie and his sister give him some advice which he actually takes. Heidi also begs him to be the bigger person and grow up. I just really like that Charlie he seems so reasonable (and I liked when he was dancing/rapping in the car). His apology is very sincere and he seems to really be doing it for her.

LC reminds me why I admire her. She lays it all out there. She tells Heidi exactly why she won't come, how much she has changed (for the worse) since being with Spencer, and cites specific examples of ways that Spencer has created negative situations in her life.

Audrina continues to make things awkward with Brody and Jayde. She wants people to "stop talking crap on" her. I absolutely refuse to watch the show with her. She is too dumb for me to stand it.

Kelly Cutrone comes and blasts Stephanie at the Nylon party. She is so ridiculous. Kelly seems so annoyed.

Previews for next week show that Kristen Cavalari is back. She will be the new main character. I had no idea. I don't know if I can watch it.

Music I liked from this show: The Script and Savage.
(am I playing into the hands of the marketing people or what?)

I don't know if I've ever made someone cry before

I can see Lauren slowly removing herself from the show. She can't even remember if she has ever made anyone cry before and soon she won't even be able to go to the video to check to see if her statements are true. Only two more episodes that include Lauren. Are they really going to keep it going without her?

Heidi's dad is coming to LA. He is a cowboy with a gun. No kidding I have experience with cowboys and he is the real deal. He has a handlebar mustache, a cowboy hat, denim shirt, and Carhart jeans. I hope he shoots Spencer. Unfortunately Heidi's dad seems to like Spencer and maybe even relate with him. He and Spencer go for a walk together and Spencer asks him for permission to marry Heidi, well sort of.


Audrina is working on the White Tie Affair video shoot. I know you are thinking the same thing as I was, who? They have a song and have apparently "worked" with Audrina before. Stephanie and Audrina go out for drinks with some of the guys but in a surprising twist she heads for the hills (haha) when she hears the guitarist lives with his girlfriend. Good for you Stephanie.


LC has to fire Stephanie. We all know it but we have to wait until nearly the end of the episode. Awkward. Lauren maybe should have taken her out of the very public office. Stephanie bursts into tears. It was pretty anticlimactic though. She knew that this could have been the consequence of her screw up and was sad but accepted the termination. (Is that what you call it when you are fired from an internship?) Stephanie tells Heidi and seems upset but in the same breath tells her about the guy from the band. She's over it.

Spencer takes Heidi on a Ferris wheel to propose...again. He has to do a lot of talking her into it. She wants apologies to her mom and LC and a princess wedding. Spencer agrees to it all. She loves the ring so that makes up for a lot. I will nickname the ring Stacie so I won't forget those things that it is making up for.

As long as I don't see his face I'll be good

I have felt that way about Justin Bobby also.

I almost don't even want to blog about this one. I just want to skip over it and go to the next week. I feel like the producers just made this episode to meet the contractual obligations. It is set up for the awesomeness that will be next week.

Justin Bobby is back on the scene. Texting and calling. He wants to hook it back up with Audrina, after he heard that she was with Brody. She agrees to meet him for dinner and comes in guns blazing. She is done with this "she can't do this anymore". She throws every cliche in the book and he runs out into the street to talk with her some more.

Stephanie finally ruins her connections at People's Rev. Lauren is trying to help her figure it out but her mess up makes LC look like a fool. She is supposed to pack clothes for the Smashbox shoot, forgets to do it, then refuses to leave her lunch date and make up for the mistake. Kelly is furious and tells Lauren to fire Stephanie but Lauren heads back to her desk and puts it off for a few more days (she has until the end of the week, Kelly suggests she think guillotine).

Heidi goes to have one last confrontation with Stacie (who uses the word expecially) . I am not sure why this needs to happen. Picture the same conversation that they have had up to now. She does call Heidi crazy which has more and more truth to it. Heidi tells Spencer (who is busy minding his own business and twittering) what she did and he reacts calmly. He seems rational. What?

Can I just say the previews for next week are so sensational. I am counting down the days.

Deliberately... Maliciously...Skankily

Stacy texts Spencer and asks him if he is going to HWood. Heidi like any trusting girlfriend-turned-fiance-turned-wife-turned-girlfriend checks his phone, erases the message, and goes in his place. Stacy and her posse roll up to Heidi at HWood and sit down. Heidi wishes this upon her. Stacy's reply,"when I am gone there is going to be another girl. There is going to be another Stacy." Impressive

Equally crazy. Frankie is throwing a party and Audrina decides to show. She has now changed her tune and does not want to fight Jayde. She is actually lying about what happened. So is everyone else, I mean unless, they actually did just fall asleep in Brody's bed talking about Jayde and JB. I know Jayde was a playmate but she is not that stupid. Audrina seems to think that she and Brody are going to develop some relationship, or thinks that she has more of a tie to him. She is busy telling Stephanie how sure she is. When they see each other out again Brody does not stand up for her and sends her packing. She is crying and sloppy drunk. How could he choose his girlfriend over her? She does not understand how cheating works.

On a personal note: I am very sick of those voices. I am sure you are familiar with the sound. They have a strange inflection and could be said to be talking in questions (Michelle coined that phrase and I like it) They are also higher pitched and just downright irritating. I have noticed that not only does Paris Hilton have this voice but so do the Kardashian sisters. Audrina uses this voice as do many of our reality tv friends. Stacy the bartendress has a very strong stupid voice although I think she may be prophetic in the there will always be another Stacy. She isn't as dumb as she seems. I think that this is a new way to play dumb or maybe it is an old way. I think Marilyn Monroe sounded something like that. I hate to equate her with the likes of these reality personalities.

Back at couples therapy; Spencer is incensed by the fact that Heidi is looking at his phone. Violation of trust. Heidi is sick of hearing about Spencer's feelings. He is allowed to share them (the therapist said) ad naseum. Well Heidi is nauseous and I am shocked. She knows what that means. Where am I?

Audrina shows up for a debrief meal with Lo and LC she is wearing a crazy Boy George hat and whining about how Brody would not stick up for it. LC then goes and have lunch with Brody and tell him to be nice and apologize. He has to stick by Jayde.

Spencer has an alone ses. with the therapist. He still doesn't know what to do. He actually sounded like he had thought about it and was not being a defensive ass. Am I on Spencer's side? Luckily I don't care enough about either one of them to take a side.

Upcoming: Heidi goes to yell at Stacy again and Audrina finally gets rid of JB. Could this new found empowerment have something to do with the fact that Audrina has her own spin off in the works. Honestly, even I don't want to watch that.

In the Bible it's called fornification

What does this tattoo mean? Audrina is rumored to have this and it seems to have a lot going on.


That's right this week they brought in an even more vapid player. I am still scratching my head and trying to figure out why. Colby and his girlfriend were on vacation in LA. They go on a double date with Spencer and Heidi. It was very strange. Spencer kept asking questions of them like they were from another planet and the girlfriend insulted Heidi by pointing out how different she looked. (I think the insult was the reminder of how she used to look like a human being not that she was ugly before) Spencer and Colby go to a gym to box and then Colby offers to show Spencer some Bible verses. Spencer agrees to this and is condescending/texting for the entire event. It was all too confusing and this episode leaves me wondering what was the point of it all.

Audrina's crash the boys' trip plan really pays off. They drink and sunbathe and drink some more. The culmination of this is when Audrina stays the night in Brody's room. Brody is not proud but honest when debriefing with the boys. "I cheated on my girlfriend." (He is telling Doug, Frankie, and my personal fave, Sleazy T) Did she do this because she has always had a crush on Brody or because she wanted to make JB jealous? A little of both I would wager. I am now adding person with good judgement to Audrina's resume which already included budding physicist and MENSA member. I just am annoyed by the fact that she didn't have any remorse about being a homewrecker. I had a strong reaction to her sluttiness. I mean she ends this episode by saying Jayde should bring it. What is she...I can't think of the proper thing to equate her to...something akin to a girl standing in front of her locker and talking about how she is going to kick someone's ass.



Ghost Whisperer update: Melinda Gordon (JLH's character) is pregnant with Jim's baby. I am very excited about this news which most people who know me can tell you is a really big deal. Babies usually freak me out. (How sad that this made me say to myself: "Wow a lot of people around me are having babies." Umm..don't worry I still have firm hold on the line between fantasy and reality) In Jim news he finally remembers who he is so we usually just see Jim even though he is in Sam's body. Confusing I know but still exciting. Things are falling into place. The only really weird thing is that the Jamie Kennedy/JLH love has created a weird dynamic on the show. Maybe I am imagining it but they have some weird tension. They act strangely around one another, like they are trying too hard to not act like there is something going on.

I love him but I don't know if I am in love with him

Disclaimer. This picture is almost too gross for me to look at. He creeps me out.

This episode marks the long awaited return of Justin Bobby. He was "acting all shady" at Coco DeVille. Stephanie Pratt, ever the relationship Pollyana says that maybe they can be friends. JB wants to communicate (and asks her not to burp him when she is patting him on the back, weird) but Audrina wants to feel special. Dilemma.

Audrina is then comforted by Brody. His girlfriend, Jayde, is suspicious. Jayde decides that she will put her collagen injected lips all over Brody to mark her territory. Brody then tries to council JB at another bar later in the week. Audrina is making weird eyes at Brody and something is brewing. Audrina wants him...she wants to crash the Hawaii vacation that Brody and co. are planning but not a anything serious "expecially" (just to be clear that is Audrina verbiage, not my own) not a boyfriend. LC, Lo and Audrina are going to Hawaii.

Sleazy T cameo. Oh I love him. If you aren't familiar with his work check out Bromance.

It is finally dawning on Spencer that Heidi is serious about therapy. Brody calls and invites him to Hawaii for the all-dude-surf-trip. Spencer lies to keep out of trouble. He is fake in Vegas. The therapist seems nice. The first thing she says is "this sounds all really high school to me." Heidi accuses Spencer of being checked out and the therapist asks what she is still doing in the relationship. Wow heavy hitter. She is asking the tough questions after 2 minutes (magic of tv?)

LC is feeling the heat of helping to hire Stephanie. It is very apparent that she is too dumb for this job. She can't check in jewelry on the computer or fold things without leaving crumbs. I can't wait to see Kelly Cutrone destroy her.



I enjoyed the MTV movie awards promo that introduces Andy Samberg as the host of the show this year. He is introduced as the spawn of Jack Black and Michael Cera. Funny. I could see him as a cross between the two. I love Michael Cera.

I didn't know you had these sides to you

This is a quick and dirty run down. Everyone annoyed me this episode.

Kelly Cutrone tells Lauren they need a new intern. She tells her to be very careful about who she refers and then she refers Stephanie Pratt anyway. Stephanie acts unbelievably stupid in her interview and Kelly Cutrone makes fun of her but hires her anyway (she is no fool. this is free pr for her company). She brings a resume and writes her life goal as her objective. She wants to be a handbag designer. Good for her.

Heidi returns from Colorado and she an Spencer are still fighting. Spencer asks about "his favorite person Darlene" (very sarcastically) and turns it around on Heidi again. How could she see Colby? He also blatantly lies about seeing Stacy the bartender when she was away. He can't believe she is even asking him about this right now.

Charlie, Spencer's new hired friend, and Spencer are driving and dancing in the car to HWood. Spencer knows that this is a place where Stacy and her friends hang out. Stephanie uses her extensive club knowledge to figure out where Spencer might be. Heidi comes in guns blazing. "What the f are you doing?" Charlie tries to jump in and gets a finger in his face and yelled at by both girls. Stephanie plays the part of friend calling Stacy a slut, homewrecker, and asking if she even has any pants. I like that a lot.

The next day Heidi and Spencer meet for lunch. Heidi was humiliated. Spencer is smarmy and pissed off. "She couldn't even be closer to you if you tried. I'm done with you. I'm done wit this." She doesn't want to look at, talk to, or be near him. She is very convincing. Heidi provides Spencer with an ultimatum; either go to therapy or they are done.

Everything happens for a reason

HAPPY EASTER!
Could my life get any better? It is spring break and last night was the premier of the final season of the Hills. Two episodes; starting with the episode where Spencer punches someone in the face. Sweet.

The episode begins with LC's birthday. The girls decide to throw her a surprise party on a boat. Cruise around, drink, and gamble. What could go wrong? Heidi. Stephanie, ever the incendiary, talks Heidi into crashing the party. So now they are all trapped on the boat. Heidi is again working hard to have an awkward confrontation with Lauren. It is less distressing then other times that this has happened but Lauren held her ground with the, I miss you, but I hate Spencer.

Meanwhile, Spencer is having guys night with his mustachioed friend. (I believe it was someone hired off the street. Who would choose to be friends with Spencer?) The boys head to a bar and is hitting on the cute bartendress. Cameron, Stephanie's ex, shows up and Spencer is rude to him (surprise, surprise). Cameron texts Stephanie with the news about Spencer's flirting. Stephanie tells Heidi and Heidi calls Spencer. Spencer is incensed. He was not flirting. Can't a guy buy a girl some shots and ask her about what it might take to get her dancing on the bar. (Incidentally, it is "Pour some sugar on me." Predictable. I will add that to my list of songs drunk, white people like to sing along with. Other songs; Benny and the Jets, Journey songs) Spencer wants to talk to Cameron. He gets in Cameron's face and is asking for him to "touch him." He wants an excuse to hit him. Then decides he doesn't need it and sucker punches him in the face. Unfortunately, Cameron does not stand up for himself and people break it up before any fists can connect with Spencer's face.

Heidi, is in hysterics and is "leaving." At this point, I secretly hope that she will jump off the boat. No such luck. Instead she and LC have another weird crying talk. The best times of Heidi's life were with Lauren. She misses her so much. It seems confusing because I thought that she was upset about Spencer. LC takes this opportunity to take a few more digs at Spencer. He is a bad guy and mean. Heidi seems only half listening and conveniently does not hear the Spencer criticism.

LC, Audrina, and Lo have a debrief about the party. It was fun but LC was not a fan of being trapped on the boat with Heidi.

Next Episode:

The next day Heidi goes to the bar to talk to the bartender. She says that if she was in Heidi's position she would be mad.

Spencer is upset that Stephanie would tell Heidi about his alleged flirting. How dare you "show someone a text message without checking with me first?" Stephanie tells Spencer he is so obsessed with loyalty he will end up alone.

Heidi confronts Spencer and then packs her bags to go home to Colorado. Spencer tries his usual make her seem crazy and turn it around on her. He is upset with her for making him always be by her side and not letting him go out more often. Can't she see that it is all her fault? He also does not remember asking the cute bartender about dancing on the bar. Can she prove it. I wish she would run down to the MTV video trailer and demand to see the video.

Spencer calls Brody to get some advice. Brody says that if she went to Colorado all bets are off. Go out with the guys and see what else is out there.

Heidi is in Colorado receiving advice about Spencer from her mother. She runs into her high school boyfriend, Colby. Mom is sure that this is happening for a reason. The reason being Spencer is an awful human being.

Spencer heads back to the bar and flirts with the bartender some more. She calls Heidi crazy and asks Spencer what will happen next. They are planning to go on a date.

LC and Brody are shocked by the strange reality that they have stepped into. Heidi and Spencer now need LC and Brody after they were jerks to them. How strange.

Look forward to a season of crazy. LC getting a job at People's Revolution for Stephanie, (I know Kelly Cutrone is going to love Stephanie) Spencer and Heidi getting married again (maybe it will take this time), and Brody and Audrina hooking up (What happened to Justin Bobby and the gross ring that came out of his mouth and went on Audrina's finger at the end of last season.)

One other MTV item of note. I was having a wonderful visit (catching up on the gossip) with one of my great friends and we left the tv on while "Taking the Stage" was on. This is a show about kids who go to the school for Creative and Performing Arts in Cincinatti. The kids were getting ready for a performance. The teacher in charge reminded them that they needed to be ready because a lot of "Cincinatti Dignitaries" would be there. This phrase really stood out to me and I wondered who on earth they could possibly mean.

That's right. You guessed it, my favorite and yours, Nick Lachey. I love him. He was just going to support the kids. He is an alum of this school. What a great guy.


GOSSIP GIRL: Programming note. No new GG until April 20th. Are they on Spring Break too? What is wrong with you CW?

This conversation is making me nauseous

I'm fairly certain that someone in this episode quoted Will Smith. Maybe I am the only one who associates him with Miami and welcoming people. The kids head down to Miami but Allie is left behind to have a sexy photo shoot with some dude. blah, blah, blah. (She is starting to look like a junkie.) She and Erin have a big conversation before they leave for Florida about how Adam deserves to be a little jealous. And then the guy invites her for a drink after (a beer or a Snapple). She hesitates just long enough to get a call from Erin to tell her that they are at a club and Adam is surrounded by ladies. Suffice it to say she puts on her ratty looking fur coat and goes out for a Snapple. When Adam gets back Allie makes a big show of saying that the guy asked her out but didn't actually say that she went out for a drink. She kept it really hypothetical and tells Adam she is looking for her own place. Maybe she slept with the guy.
They all look good in their swimsuits so that works out well. We are also introduced to a lady Aussie who used to live with Jay (I think in a platonic way) who has some really gnarly teeth. One might question whether they have orthodontia available in Australia. She makes Jay sound a little sketchy and untrustworthy. Jay runs into Dani, his ex. He makes a big scene about how he doesn't care, enjoys a pleasant conversation with her and then she blasts Whitney with a lot of extraneous/awkward information. Jay then does a lot of post meet up justifying to Whitney back in New York. Whitney is then convinced that he is trying to hide something with all of his honesty. Confusing. Here is the real problem. I just don't care that much. I mean if someone who watches the show, is trying to invest themselves in the characters, and blogs about it each week doesn't really care, MTV is probably in trouble here.

First Runner up for possible post title, "I smell a little ahi tuna...somethings fishy."


Here is the real big news of the week. My favorite Canadians are back on the scene with a The City aftershow. That is right Jessie and Dan are back to tell us all about the haps, use the telestrator, don strange clothing, and their always witty insight. They give us great previews of things to come. They have Whitney and Erin on the show. I was so excited to see them I forgot to be jealous that I am not the person hosting the aftershow at my house. The best part was a preview of the next season of the Hills.

Season Five:
Heidi crashes LC's birthday.
Spencer is hitting on a pretty lady bartender.
Stephanie Pratt's boyfriend tells on Spencer.
Spencer punches Stephanie's boyfriend in his face.
Heidi is missing LC "My favorite stories are my stories with you, My favorite memories are my memories with you." (Sorry Spencer.)
Spencer goes to Brody for help.
Has hell frozen over. Things are converging. Also Heidi has too much collagen in her lips. She is starting to freak me out.

Still no new Gossip Girl. Come on.

Man she had the best looking heels I've ever seen

Gary on LC's shoes when he met her. I am not sure that is how you win over Brody and the dudes but I like it.

A quick rundown of Bromance this week.

Finally LC is here. She asks them questions in a dating game fashion. Hiding from behind a screen. Some of the fellas are a little too honest for her taste and she declares that Femi is crazy. He loves to talk about the various animals he is from day to day. Alex wins and gets to hang out with LC and Brody for a while.

Sleazy T and Frankie come to talk to Brody while he is in the shower. I enjoyed this part because of the music that was playing. Think old school workout video or cheesy porn. He cancels the barbecue and make the bros do an activity at the house that tells a little about their personality. There was dancing, mini golf course, creation, slip and slide, stand up comedy, jam session, and (my personal favorite) style critique and tattoo. Femi hates on everyone's personal style and then copies Brody's tattoo. He also heckled little Chris the comedian. (another Bromance with tears).

The best part of this episode was the elimination. They went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant and he narrows it down to two guys who might have to go, Gary and Jered. The guys have to go out back and put on a blindfold. Brody is dressed in a slightly offensive mustache and sombrero combo. Then Sleazy T and Frankie come out as the firing squad. Jered is the one who is repeatedly shot with paintballs and is saddened when he has to go home.

I think Alex is going to be the winner. All signs point to him. I also think that the producers are making Brody keep Femi because he is sensational and every hates him.

The largest disappointment not enough Sleazy T. I like him and want to see more of him.

I can't not live my life

Here it is friends the season finale of the Hills. Let me set the scene for you. Picture Heidi speaking with a coworker and her boss. They are planning a big function and debriefing about vacation. "What did you do on vacation?" "I kinda decided to get married." Stunned silence followed by a disapproving "Shut up," from the boss. Not the way you pictured announcing your wedding. She was trying to keep it apologetic and nonchalant "yeah we had a couple of margaritas...it was the craziest thing I've ever done." Meanwhile Lo and LC are getting their hair did for a big event the same event that Heidi and her company are working on. Will they cross paths? If the producers have anything to say about it of course. Justin Bobby and Audrina are off on a trip. Justin dressed up; shirt with no sleeves and overalls. He turns on the charm and pops a bottle of champagne which they both drink out of. Who needs to dirty a glass? I hate to use the term white trash but it comes to mind. (I can't decided who is trashier.)

The rest of the episode will deal with the fall out from the Heidi/Spencer nuptials. The most brutal time was when her mom was crying and Heidi was trying to justify it. "She can't not live her life"...what? At this point she can still save herself from the evil that is Spencer because just as I had predicted it wasn't legal. They have to take it to city hall. Get this. Spencer waits until they are mid vow, at the courthouse, to call it off. He knew that Heidi was not happy and heeded the advice of Heidi's mom and Stephanie. So Spencer and Heidi are not really married. Audrina and JB have a DTR where he pulls a ring off his finger (with his mouth)and gives it to her. First let me say gross. It made me feel dirty when he did it. What does it mean? Are they engaged? I am confused. I think it means they are going steady. When LC and Heidi meet up at the event it is awkward and a little sad. LC wants her to be happy. Heidi manages an unconvincing "yeah, I'm happy," before tearing up. Not as bad as it could have been. It was kind of nice.
The Voice of Reason in this episode: Stephanie Pratt. "You can't do this." She then tries to talk them out of marrying in the courthouse in front of a judge and a police man.
(Note. I had to control myself because this season finale was so full I wanted to give every detail of it)


The Hills Aftershow...they let those Canadians, with their strange 'hip' outfits, into the U.S. for this one. Clarifications (or things I learned on the aftershow):
1)The ring from JB to Audrina is a token of affection for a "friend."
2)Whitney is dressed as a woodland nymph (crazy flower crown in the winter), is "the new Carrie Bradshaw" according to Page Six, and gives a preview of The City. I am so excited...I can't wait for next week.
3)Lauren announced that the Hills will continue this spring. I know we are all breathing a sigh of relief.
4)Those Canadians and Speidi took a tequila shot. Weird and nauseating (you know me and tequila). They become so drunk the Canadians then ask for a Truman show type Spencer vehicle. Who would watch that? (Probably me, who am I kidding.)
5)Lo will never share her relationships with the Hills' audience.
6)Pussy Cat Dolls (they performed) are looking thin and sort of talented, as usual (I will see them in April with Britney).