Keeping a Low Profile

I was typing in a label for a recent post and one of the little autofill ideas the computer gave me was Bromance. That got me a little nostalgic for the days where I could watch MTV whenever I wanted and think about Brody Jenner and the lucky man who would be his new best friend. It got me wondering/missing him. What is he up to now?
The answer is a little disappointing. My investigative journalism skills uncovered him keeping a mostly low profile. It looks like he is surfing and hanging around with his lady friend Avril Lavigne. Not that exciting. Oh well, at least Audrina and her fam are going to have a new reality show. I have never been more thankful for the lack of cable.

I left here with memories of me being awesome.

Well the time has come for Brody to choose his friend. The finale has come and Brody is pulling out all the stops. Beginning with a visit from his mom. Her "test" is a lie detector test. She is scary. She also prompted Brody to call and say "For Real hide all the booze because she doesn't know I drink".

Favorite questions include:
"Do you think Brody likes someone in this house more than you?"
"Do you find Brody attractive?"
"Do you like porn?"
"She really keeps herself to fitness.." (not a question but still funny.)

Next the fellas had a hometown date with Brody (hometown date is the Bachelor terminology but I think it will do the job here) where the boys will introduce Brody to their fam. Before they do he sends home someone by having them open some envelopes with tickets. This elimination was confusing. He gave the commercial ticket to little Chris to send him home and the other guys got a plain piece of paper to go home. That is because they are flying on a private jet aka BROFORCE TWO (the smallest private jet ever).

We learn more about Femi his family is really nice. Femi's family has equally interesting names; Funmi, Rod, Bunmi, and Yemi. He had an adorable nephew who Brody wanted to use as a wingman. Femi's ex is cute but has a rough nose and is nowhere nearly as attractive as he is. Femi is not as cool as he thinks he is though, trying to get back together with the girl that cheated on him. Silly. This move will ultimately cost him.

Luke's family is nice. His mom told Brody about the time that Luke gave up his Senior Prom to take a sick girl to her Prom. Pretty Quality. His friends are jerks. They were heckling Brody and Luke didn't stand up for him. Of course they were heckling him by asking where Spencer was. Not that great of a heckle.

Brody gives them one last chance to defend themselves and attack the other guys. Then he gives the boys tuxedos and sends them in two cars. One will end up heading home. One will end up at the party to celebrate real Bromantice love. Femi was sent to the garage watching it on tv (Brody and Femi had a terrible goodbye) and Luke partied in style. So Luke won his condo and a sweet Scion with rims.

I will miss you Bromance.

The thing he doesn't understand is that he doesn't understand

Profound words from little Chris about one of the other dudes.
*The best part of Bromance is Sleazy T and Frankie Delgado. It is very challenging to find photos of Sleazy T. Be on the look out. ( I have a little crush on him, maybe it is his name?)

This week on Bromance Brody tricks the fellas to see who will keep it real in the face of Hollywood glamour and tell him the truth. Brody tells them he is launching a line of BJ jeans. They are very tight, low, and have bedazzling all over it (they aren't real) He has all the guys wear the jeans and walk the "red carpet." This is of course after they have been at the spa being manscaped, wearing the jeans, makeup and little pink tank tops. Only one guy tells Brody that these jeans are lame and it is Femi. He is worried about Brody going out and embarassing himself so he tells him. Brody plays the part of being hurt. Femi after telling him the truth still ends up doing all the stuff to support his boy. He then wins a cool outfit to go out in and some special bonding with Brody.
For the second half of the episode the guys were hanging with the playmate of the year and unbeknownst to them trying to make a good impression. The winner ended up being little Chris who got to go in the hot tub with not one but to playmates. I like little Chris but I am not sure that he and Brody are meant to be.
Brody ends up eliminating Alex at a Japanese restaurant after drinking lots of sake. Then he gets bum rushed out the door by the sushi chefs. Next episode is the season finale and I am looking forward to it.

I believe in Bromance because...

Bromance was full of the usual hilarity. Brody sent the boys on a camping trip and then brought in a life coach. The life coach made most of the guys cry and then made them say why they believe in bromance before they did a trust fall. (Ridiculous) Two highlights of this show Frankie and Sleazy T show up with an alligator and put it in the tent with the guys. Also the elimination ceremony was highly entertaining. After camping the guys needed to clean up so Brody had 5 tubs full of bubble bath and chicks in bikinis. Unfortunately one of those tubs was for Brody and one of the guys was going home. I am sorry to say that it was Gary. He did love those shoes that LC had on also it seemed like he was a little too nice. All the guys were telling stories about times they had with the ladies but Gary was talking about cuddling and love making. He didn't have a chance.

Man she had the best looking heels I've ever seen

Gary on LC's shoes when he met her. I am not sure that is how you win over Brody and the dudes but I like it.

A quick rundown of Bromance this week.

Finally LC is here. She asks them questions in a dating game fashion. Hiding from behind a screen. Some of the fellas are a little too honest for her taste and she declares that Femi is crazy. He loves to talk about the various animals he is from day to day. Alex wins and gets to hang out with LC and Brody for a while.

Sleazy T and Frankie come to talk to Brody while he is in the shower. I enjoyed this part because of the music that was playing. Think old school workout video or cheesy porn. He cancels the barbecue and make the bros do an activity at the house that tells a little about their personality. There was dancing, mini golf course, creation, slip and slide, stand up comedy, jam session, and (my personal favorite) style critique and tattoo. Femi hates on everyone's personal style and then copies Brody's tattoo. He also heckled little Chris the comedian. (another Bromance with tears).

The best part of this episode was the elimination. They went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant and he narrows it down to two guys who might have to go, Gary and Jered. The guys have to go out back and put on a blindfold. Brody is dressed in a slightly offensive mustache and sombrero combo. Then Sleazy T and Frankie come out as the firing squad. Jered is the one who is repeatedly shot with paintballs and is saddened when he has to go home.

I think Alex is going to be the winner. All signs point to him. I also think that the producers are making Brody keep Femi because he is sensational and every hates him.

The largest disappointment not enough Sleazy T. I like him and want to see more of him.

Last of the Brohicans

Okay so this was totally a throwaway line but I am enjoying the boys' enthusiasm for incorporating bro into words. The truth is that this week's episode of Bromance was full of memorable lines and moments.
The fellas were challenged in a variety of ways. First, they showed their strength in the Broathlon. This competition asked them to ride a recliner chair down a hill and through an obstacle course, jump a small bike for distance, and raft across a pool on a raft made of blow up dolls and held together by lingerie (classy touch).

Then to highlight their softer side Brody got really bromantic. He had a fire pit, some margies, and candlelight in an homage to the Bachelor (which I forgot to watch. TV is so awesome right now my DVR and I can't even keep up). He just wanted his bros to open up. This would lead to one of the 3 'men in tears' segments of the show.
At this point, as a viewer, I am concerned about two characters Chris P and Femi. Femi is a source of irritation to everyone in the house and refers to himself as a different animal. Is he a horse, a zebra, an eagle? Whatever will win him the challenge which he never wins. What to do with haters? Femi has an idea. Treat them "like the Ratpack, Sammy Davis Jr. playing the piano" (because Femi thought that he was blind and played the piano, neither of those things are true). He also made made my favorite, Gary, the lovable goof, cry. Then said in a most callous manner, "whatever, he made himself cry." Chris P just can't be himself around Brody and is trying way too hard. Brody takes him a vodka bar in hopes of getting to know him better but instead Chris P just gets too wasted and can hardly create coherent sentences, let alone share with Brody just how he feels about him. Let's just say he spent the whole evening vomiting as well as the next day in the van with the guys. It was very disgusting.
The best part of the evening was when Brody took the guys on a sunset cruise...to elimination. When he eliminated Chris P they sent him out to sea on a little raft. I thoroughly enjoyed this part.
Another triumph. I am so looking forward to next week's special guest, LC.

It doesn't suck

That is what Brody Jenner said about Hollywood but that is also what I would say about Bromance. Right from the beginning I was enjoying myself. Watching Brody give an explanation of Bromance complete with photos of some sweet bromances; from Beavis and Butthead to Michael Cera and Jonah Hill.

We begin with a fraternity style hazing. The boys are taken from their beds in the middle of the night. There was even a fellow who was naked, Luke. I like him because I enjoy his Southie accent. He won the first challenge because he brought the hottest girls. There is also a tall, gangly goofball. Needless to say I love him. His name is Gary. He was bummed when Michael, who didn't quite fit in, went home. He decided it was all he could take when they were talking about sleeping with girls, since he is gay. They were buds and they were "the only ones who were going to clean up" after themselves. Michael decided this wasn't the place for him even though he did really well on the challenge. He was sweet though but it seemed like he really wanted to meet LC (who can blame him).

Another highlight Sleazy T and Frankie, who doesn't love some good sidekick action. Frankie seems bummed about looking for a replacement for himself and even says he doesn't understand why he needs another friend.
I am intrigued by the fact that Brody seems to be wearing some kind of cosmetic on his eye. It is either mascara, fake lashes or eyeliner. I love it. Maybe his eyes were always like and I never noticed before. Good thing he got his own show.


Toast time at the lingerie party was fun. Some of them were good. One was a white rapper with a homemade shirt that said "Bromance: because Spencer Pratt was a douche bag." Hilarious. Brody and the fellas also really like this guys who said "broast" instead of toast. I can't wait to hear all the variations on the word bro coming in the future.

Brody brought them to this cool place where the winner is going to get to live (much better than the nasty Compton place where they will stay in the meantime) and then possibly the best part of the show is the elimination process. They all sit in hot tub with their keg cups and have a heart to heart. It is a little awkward. This week Jacob, the drunken liar, got eliminated. Brody called it a lack of "etiquette." I love it.

I call it a success and am looking forward to next week.

Everything is going so fast

MTV is moving a little fast for me. Not one week after the season finale of The Hills, The City (not just one but two episodes) and Bromance begin. To be honest I wasn't even home and forgot to set the DVR. The DVR saved the day as usual and taped the 5 am showing.
Here is a brief rundown of The City's cast of players.

Whitney- It's the same old Whitney. She is kind of nervous about trusting people. She says trust at least 7 times in the new episodes. I don't blame her at all. She is working in pr for DVF and did a good job at the show for fashion week. She got props from her boss which simultaneously pissed off and intrigued Olivia. It scored her an invite to Olivia's dinner party.

Jay- Musical Australian who Whitney is very into but who seems a little less interested. He would drag himself to a surprise her with a dinner party of socials (see below). Here is something he said that I enjoyed; "I think you would know in my energy if I was telling the truth." Jay will get in the face of Alex (you may remember him as the model that Whitney hung out with in NY when she was still in The Hills). I am not sure about his motivations here. It looks like he could be either a hothead or is just trying to protect his rep. Or perhaps he knows what will get him more airtime on the show and is taking a hint from our friend Spencer.

Erin- So far without a personality. She asks the right questions to help the audience understand what is going on in Whitney's head. Someone at the social party called her a hooker. She also lets Whitney crash on her couch.

Olivia- fake voice (faker sounding than Whitney's), not afraid to blast to get the information, "So why didn't Jay come to the party?" Her friends are really the same. She refers to herself as a social (socialite slang which I fervently dislike Jay called them "rich kids, art dealers' kids"). She can't be all bad. She took Whitney to the Manolo Blahnik event (where she got some signed shoes). Olivia was very pretentious at this event and kept talking about the first pair of Manolos that she got for her deb. She needs to use full words.

This week Kelly Catrone made a guest appearance and was the voice of reason. "Maybe you can't trust both of them (Alex and Jay)." Good point. She also was shocked to hear that Olivia had gotten a job and was perplexed. (How would she mix with Whitney for the show if she didn't have a job at DVF?)

Promo for next week: Will Whitney be a downtown hipster or an uptown social? Nice work MTV.

My only question: Can I host The City Aftershow from my house or will I have to move to Canada? I will be in my closet picking out a strange outfit.

Buckle up baby

I recently watched the episode of Hills titled "Mr. and Mrs. Pratt." If I had to pick one word to describe it I would say...ridiculous. Although I am not sure that this one word does justice to it. In this episode we (the audience) and the gang (Lo, LC, and Audrina) said goodbye to Whitney. Okay the gang really just said goodbye we get to see her soon in The City. (I can't wait) I am also over all of the tears in the goodbye. This is probably because I am slightly cold and unfeeling but LC was a bit much for me. The real excitement however are the moments leading up to the alleged nuptials of Speidi (I hate that combo name stuff but you know who I am talking about). There was a lot of tequila before the proposal and who doesn't want to marry someone that makes you want to be nicer and that you want to keep from the whole world. I believe Spencer promised that they would keep it secret. Was that before or after US weekly was involved? Most disgusting moment...hmmm...probably when Heidi drunkenly said she would show Spencer "what a wife does" before theystumble off to allegedly marry. (I mean I kind of respect her. Tequila is the architect of my misfortune and I would have vomited just smelling the stuff.) However, I am still skeptical as they never actually show the wedding ceremony only the aftermath. What bride doesn't say I am so hung over 1 hour after their wedding ceremony? Good thing they had a little toast, hair of the dog style. One last comment on that; the rings are hideous. Leather strap with a dangly thing hanging off, yuck. Now they will have to wear that for the next 11 months that their marriage lasts. Look for next week when Spencer and Heidi need to legalize the wedding at City Hall. Will she soberly do it? Voice of reason in this episode: Justin Bobby who wanted to post a sign to find Heidi. I like the idea.
The Hills Aftershow provided the usual insight, teleprompter work, and strange clothes from strange Canadian hosts. The best and most promising...Bromance coming on the 29th. What genius gave a show to Brody? Give them a raise.