This conversation is making me nauseous

I'm fairly certain that someone in this episode quoted Will Smith. Maybe I am the only one who associates him with Miami and welcoming people. The kids head down to Miami but Allie is left behind to have a sexy photo shoot with some dude. blah, blah, blah. (She is starting to look like a junkie.) She and Erin have a big conversation before they leave for Florida about how Adam deserves to be a little jealous. And then the guy invites her for a drink after (a beer or a Snapple). She hesitates just long enough to get a call from Erin to tell her that they are at a club and Adam is surrounded by ladies. Suffice it to say she puts on her ratty looking fur coat and goes out for a Snapple. When Adam gets back Allie makes a big show of saying that the guy asked her out but didn't actually say that she went out for a drink. She kept it really hypothetical and tells Adam she is looking for her own place. Maybe she slept with the guy.
They all look good in their swimsuits so that works out well. We are also introduced to a lady Aussie who used to live with Jay (I think in a platonic way) who has some really gnarly teeth. One might question whether they have orthodontia available in Australia. She makes Jay sound a little sketchy and untrustworthy. Jay runs into Dani, his ex. He makes a big scene about how he doesn't care, enjoys a pleasant conversation with her and then she blasts Whitney with a lot of extraneous/awkward information. Jay then does a lot of post meet up justifying to Whitney back in New York. Whitney is then convinced that he is trying to hide something with all of his honesty. Confusing. Here is the real problem. I just don't care that much. I mean if someone who watches the show, is trying to invest themselves in the characters, and blogs about it each week doesn't really care, MTV is probably in trouble here.

First Runner up for possible post title, "I smell a little ahi tuna...somethings fishy."


Here is the real big news of the week. My favorite Canadians are back on the scene with a The City aftershow. That is right Jessie and Dan are back to tell us all about the haps, use the telestrator, don strange clothing, and their always witty insight. They give us great previews of things to come. They have Whitney and Erin on the show. I was so excited to see them I forgot to be jealous that I am not the person hosting the aftershow at my house. The best part was a preview of the next season of the Hills.

Season Five:
Heidi crashes LC's birthday.
Spencer is hitting on a pretty lady bartender.
Stephanie Pratt's boyfriend tells on Spencer.
Spencer punches Stephanie's boyfriend in his face.
Heidi is missing LC "My favorite stories are my stories with you, My favorite memories are my memories with you." (Sorry Spencer.)
Spencer goes to Brody for help.
Has hell frozen over. Things are converging. Also Heidi has too much collagen in her lips. She is starting to freak me out.

Still no new Gossip Girl. Come on.

Why can't you have your cake and eat it too?

Uggghhh...I can scarcely bear to blog about the City. I am starting to lose my patience with all of these people. Perhaps I just miss Gossip Girl and Bromance. A majority of this episode takes place on New Years.
Olivia is so full of herself at the DVF Christmas Party. She is such a name dropper and her face is unflattering even though the face was meant to show her disdain. She is clearly being mocked by the other DVFers. I am so sick of her advice giving. At least she can't get rid of Nevan. Justice? He will never get a job or an apartment.
Adam unexpectedly kicks Jay out of the apartment so that Allie the underweight model can move in. In Allie news her head seems to be growing larger as her body shrinks. Total optical illusion.
Erin and Duncan, from Toronto, are having trouble due to the reappearance of JR (her first love? something like that). Duncan is very jealous of him. I would be too because he is exponentially better looking. I hate beards. Erin is silly because she thinks Duncan should trust her and says things would be different if he were there. Remember back to the time when she told him not to move here? He leaves things open ended telling her to figure her sh*t out. Erin thinks that they are broken up and is looking for someone else to make out with. This reading might be a little harsh but she annoys me. Whitney suggests deleting Duncan's number from her phone she won't drunk text him. Great idea Whitney. As an interested observer, I am not convinced he actually broke up with her.
Since Jay is homeless he suggests he move in with Whitney. Whitney thinks it over and finally says that it would be okay. The next day when she wakes up with him in her apartment she seems a little less into it. Damn those New Year's Eve promises. Whitney seems filled with trepidation especially when he starts ordering her around. Fix him a cup of tea, I will be sending her a copy of the Feminine Mystique. Is Jay using Whitney for publicity, a place to live, and a cup of tea. Check this out. Thanks Michelle.


Quick Gossip Girl Update:
Rerun again. I can't wait to see the Dan and TFA teacher fallout. I am sick of waiting.

Plaid Mafia

Quick and Dirty, City rundown. (Sorry my week has been a little rough and I couldn't get to it.)
I hate, hate, hate Olivia. First of all she is not even a real social. I mean this wasn't the life she was born to. She just started showing up at events and was cute so kept getting invited back. She continues to be ridiculous and judgemental of Whitney. Her dog is named Mr. Butler and she thinks that you need to wear all black to rock and roll shows. She makes Whitney late for the gig at the Cutting Room. She then suggests that Jay's band play the Charity she is going to . I think she thought that was charity also. The gist of this episode. Olivia tries to control and advise Whitney yet again and it seems to backfire.

Jay's band is like some crappy Jack Johnson, Grateful Dead, jam band hybrid. Hardly rock and roll and hardly worth listening too. However, he is too good to be made fun of by the likes of Nevan. Nevan has such a great disdain for the socials and their plaid wearing. So after he plays the gig he leaves and doesn't say hello to Olivia.

The next day Olivia and Whitney have an awkward exchange at work. Olivia asks what Whitney thinks of last night. Whitney honestly explains that Jay was upset by what Nevan said. Olivia is apparently not responsible for people around her, or laughing at what they say (so loudly it can be heard on the stage by the performers). She doesn't understand why they didn't put on ties. She then says that it is not appropriate for them to talk about their personal life at work. Hello. She brought it up. The most annoying thing to me, in true Whitney fashion, she doesn't stand up for herself she just takes it. Come on Whitney. At least talk about what a bitch she is to Erin. Something. She has to be getting close to the edge.

In Olivia news I found this fan site for her. I am fascinated by all the socials' fan sites.

Hello, do you need a refresher?...I tell. You do.

Chuck wakes up with flashes of memories that remind me of that Nicole Kidman film, Eyes Wide Shut. He also has a giant tattoo on his wrist with some kind of design apparently he got roofied and tatted. He followed a strange anonymous note to the "ultimate private gentleman's club." Chuck wasn't meant to be there, the note was for Bart Bass. He was in some kind of super secret dangerous club.

The new teacher (from Teach for America), who allows her students to call her Rachel, seems to be having an inappropriate relationship with Dan. She thinks Dan's writing is genius.

Blair is working to exact revenge upon Rachel for the detention she gave her and the new no cell phones at school policy. She begins her campaign for destruction by sending a text to Gossip Girl about Dan and a certain lonely teacher. She is young and cute but she is no Serena. All this plotting gets Blair expelled from Constance.

Then Dan is trying to comfort Rachel and Serena sees. She takes a photo and makes it look like they are really having that inappropriate relationship. This gets Rachel fired and Blair back into Constance. My question is why is she having late night meetings, early morning breakfasts, and other rendezvous. It is an inappropriate relationship whether or not they are sleeping together. Rufus was in on her firing.

Dan is so righteous and positive that she didn't do anything wrong and is also a little bummed because he and Serena called it quits. When he goes to apologize she pulls him in to her apartment so they can actually sleep together. (suspicions confirmed, slutty teacher) Meanwhile she is being reinstated because the school doesn't want to get sued and Serena is calling to try to work things out with Dan.

The real bummer is the fact that Blair's dad sees the real her. He is disappointed to find out she is such a conniving witch and that is the worst punishment of all.

XO XO

I have been soul searching for a year and half ...and now I am looking for something new

Erin is important in this episode (sort of, this is as important as she will ever be). She is finally ready for a career. She has already done hostessing and retail. She is clearly highly qualified. Her interview was interesting but amazingly she got the job. Could it have been the video cameras? My favorite job tip she receives is to "act like you know" when models come in. She seems to be perpetually kicking some dude out of her place in the morning. Apparently the guy she is kicking out is JR some kind of high school sweetheart. Too bad for Duncan from Toronto.

With Allie the hits just keep on coming. She goes to Kelly Cutrone's birthday party with Whitney and is introduced to Kelly and her particular brand of honesty. She asked her repeatedly why she was so skinny and if she was okay. This prompts some "honest" words about eating disorders, model activities, and what it means to be too skinny. She has "thick skin" but not a thick body. Kelli ends up at Allie's management dinner party. Even when Kelly Cutrone apologizes it is awkward and bitchy. I like that Kelli doesn't like it. She is in the fashion industry and she doesn't think it is so safe. Sorry I know that this post is fraught with quotes but "the truth doesn't always come like a shiny bluebird on someone's shoulder." (I could not resist.)


Olivia continues to be her sensitive self. "You think we have Shamu coming down the runway, no way." Olivia wants Whitney to let it go but seems hell bent on ignoring every piece of advice ever given by Olivia. I like it. She is so unpleasant and it looks like next week she will be even more unpleasant.

I left here with memories of me being awesome.

Well the time has come for Brody to choose his friend. The finale has come and Brody is pulling out all the stops. Beginning with a visit from his mom. Her "test" is a lie detector test. She is scary. She also prompted Brody to call and say "For Real hide all the booze because she doesn't know I drink".

Favorite questions include:
"Do you think Brody likes someone in this house more than you?"
"Do you find Brody attractive?"
"Do you like porn?"
"She really keeps herself to fitness.." (not a question but still funny.)

Next the fellas had a hometown date with Brody (hometown date is the Bachelor terminology but I think it will do the job here) where the boys will introduce Brody to their fam. Before they do he sends home someone by having them open some envelopes with tickets. This elimination was confusing. He gave the commercial ticket to little Chris to send him home and the other guys got a plain piece of paper to go home. That is because they are flying on a private jet aka BROFORCE TWO (the smallest private jet ever).

We learn more about Femi his family is really nice. Femi's family has equally interesting names; Funmi, Rod, Bunmi, and Yemi. He had an adorable nephew who Brody wanted to use as a wingman. Femi's ex is cute but has a rough nose and is nowhere nearly as attractive as he is. Femi is not as cool as he thinks he is though, trying to get back together with the girl that cheated on him. Silly. This move will ultimately cost him.

Luke's family is nice. His mom told Brody about the time that Luke gave up his Senior Prom to take a sick girl to her Prom. Pretty Quality. His friends are jerks. They were heckling Brody and Luke didn't stand up for him. Of course they were heckling him by asking where Spencer was. Not that great of a heckle.

Brody gives them one last chance to defend themselves and attack the other guys. Then he gives the boys tuxedos and sends them in two cars. One will end up heading home. One will end up at the party to celebrate real Bromantice love. Femi was sent to the garage watching it on tv (Brody and Femi had a terrible goodbye) and Luke partied in style. So Luke won his condo and a sweet Scion with rims.

I will miss you Bromance.